"Survive and Thrive"

October is Domestic Violence Awareness month as established twenty three years ago in October 1987.   While many think we have come along way... I think we still have a long way to go. Today, statistics indicate that domestic violence is still quite prevalent and actually reported instances are climbing.

This past weekend, I was honored and blessed to be amongst runners, advocates, law enforcement, survivors, and supporters atthe Survive and Thrive Walk Event organized by CrimeSurvivors.org. This event, at the Orange County Sheriff Regional Training Academy, was beyond inspiring, it was downright exhilarating to see so many survivors, so much passion, and so much positive energy in one place.

As one of the featured speakers at the event I used the opportunity not only to be  a cheerleader for survivorship and empowerment but to educate and advocate. My issue for the day was about the power of language and the importance of  "word choice."  The crux of the speech was distinguishing between being a "survivor" and being a "victim." I also used the opportunity to chat about the problem of semantics in human trafficking as well and how the wrong words further perpetuate the problem.

One can be victimized (and referred to as a victim in a criminal case), but my dream and goal is for all victims to become survivors. Victimization is not just a word - it is an entire way of thinking. Likewise, being a survivor is also a way of thinking. Both a victim of abuse and a survivor of abuse have gone through the same trauma, but how they choose to 'label' themselves post the event makes all the difference. A victim stays in a victim role and never moves forward to change any behaviors that might influence the feelings that they are suffering from. While one who has been victimized by crime cannot change what happened, they CAN change how they will react to it. Once a "victim" makes the decision to recover, they become a survivor who has the power to go on.  Abusers do not have to win!

Words and misues of words can perpetuate crime, abuse, and misjustoice.  Another example is in the case of Baby Grayson Vaughn. There is a small but vocal minority of supposed "father's rights" activists out there who haven been blasting my assertions that a mother has the right to choose adoption as a viable option for her unborn child. The words "father's rights" are being used to mislead in the media, the public, and particularly men.

Just because one advocates for a child does not mean that they are fighting against a biological father.  In this case, I am not advocating against the biological father but rather advocating on behalf of the child.  I have cut both biological and adoptive parents out of the equation, and am only looking at what is best for Grayson Vaughn NOW regardless of all the screw ups and problems with the court system.  And unfortunately, when it comes to adoption you can't cut a kid up (split the baby so to speak), as only one person is going to be deemed custodial parent.  To me whatever the case was in the past, it is NOW about saving a child from being ripped from his home and loosing the only parents he has ever known for the three short years of his life. You can read more about this case in my posted articles.

So for October it is truly so important that we come together to recognize that protecting ourselves and our kids starts with us. This month we mourn with those who have lost loved ones because of domestic violence, we celebrate those who have survived it, and we connect with those who work to end violence and injustices for children and parents everywhere!

Did Richard Hirsch's Statement do Bruce Beresford Redman Justice?

You have probably heard the expression "a day late and a dollar short." Never has it been so apropos than in the recent Press Release statement issued by Bruce Beresford Redman (via his lawyer Richard Hirsch) this last week.

You know the Bruce Beresford Redman.  He is the Survivor producer who went on vacation to Cancun with his wife who was found strangled to death adjacent from the Moon Palace Resort.

It was only after Mexican officials had made Beresford Redman aware of a signed arrest warrant on Monday, May 31, 2010 that Beresford Redman all of a sudden had a rush of sympathy and expressed condolences to the Burgos family. In the 57 days preceding that, he never said he was sorry or sad. He never offered explanations or contributed financially or otherwise to the investigation for the real perp.  We haven't seen him desperately trying to get home from Mexico to take care of his young children who must be heartbroken after learning of the death of their mother.  As a matter of fact all we have seen is him being evasive - fleeing, not making himself available to law enforcement for questioning when they so desired approximately two weeks ago. We saw a desire to bar his kids from the ONLY memorial that was set up for their mother Monica, and a plan to “fight” extradition to Mexico.

By the way, this is all in addition to other factors that tend to show that he is guilty .... like - um - the 3 different life insurance policies he took out on his wife's life within 3 months (including than accidental "death and dismemberment policy!"; witnesses that will attest to fighting the night before her mysterious death; a weak (if not lame) excuse that she went shopping but whoops didn’t bring a cell phone and left at 8:30AM (who does that in CANCUN while on vacation!?); scratch marks on his neck; inconsistencies in his accounts and the accounts of witnesses; need I go on?

As much I would like to heed Richard Hirsch’s desire to avoid “rushing to judgment”  -how can we not and why shouldn’t we?  Face it people: we live in a judgmental society. We size people and situations up all the time. We draw conclusions over cocktails, in lunchrooms, and in op-ed pieces (like this one).  Granted, those judgments must be cast aside if we are in AMERICAN court where U.S. law is practiced.  But right now, because of Bruce Beresford Redman’s own actions we are not in a court of law, in the United States or otherwise.

So, as long as this case is being looked into at the court of public opinion (where there is no presumption of innocence) I say Bruce (and Richard) it’s time to think of a new strategy because this one ain’t working!

Read Press Release Quote (posted on TMZ)